Child Abuse Is The Social Justice Issue We’ve All Been Overlooking

I listened to a podcast today that talked about how, in the Bible, there is no concept of separate justice issues. There is only JUSTICE and INJUSTICE. Preach! 

When you start talking about injustice, child abuse doesn’t really jump to the forefront of your mind. Because it hides in plain sight, and like a deadly bacteria that works its way deep into the crevices of your body, child abuse is an insidious destroyer of a sense of self.

Continue reading Child Abuse Is The Social Justice Issue We’ve All Been Overlooking

5 Things You Need to Know About Parenting if You Grew Up in an Abusive Home

Sit down and buckle up, because this is going to a good read.

First of all, right off the bat, can I just say that if you clicked on this blog post because you thought, “Oh my gosh. That’s totally me.” I am so sorry. I’m sorry for the wounds inflicted on you, and for every day you’ve had to spend fighting back the lies that were spoken over you by the very people who should have been fighting for you.

Continue reading 5 Things You Need to Know About Parenting if You Grew Up in an Abusive Home

Listen to me. We are NEVER going back (R-rated)…

Let go of the people who say they love you but hold everything against you. Because true love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.

Let go of the people who tear down your dreams with wild words of incapable fears. Because real love always hopes. Continue reading Listen to me. We are NEVER going back (R-rated)…

When Sorry Isn’t Enough: A Christian’s Response

I remembering telling someone once to stop saying sorry to me because they didn’t mean it. And I was tired of hearing it every day.

That simple, childhood realization was the first time I remember distinguishing between an apology and a repentant heart. I didn’t know what to call it. I just knew I was being lied to. Continue reading When Sorry Isn’t Enough: A Christian’s Response

How to Find Your God-Given Identity in the Aftermath of Brokenness

One of the lasting effects of abuse is lack of identity. Abuse, neglect, abandonment, long-term exposure to manipulation and shame…they all leave you empty and deeply insecure. Continue reading How to Find Your God-Given Identity in the Aftermath of Brokenness

9 Reasons Why Emotional Abuse Is Designed to Crush You

1. Because emotional abuse targets your soul and your personhood and your value.

2. Because emotional abuse hides in plain sight: there are no bruises.

3. Because the PURPOSE of emotional abuse is to inflict SHAME. And shame is often the underlying cause of depression, perfectionism, anxiety, fear, lack of self confidence, and even obsessive compulsive disorders and addiction.

4. Because emotional abuse causes you to doubt yourself and question yourself, you often downplay it, and it wrecks you from the inside out.

5. Because it’s all LIES. And the goal of a lie is to cover up the truth.

6. Because words can bring death. And standing there behind all those victims of suicide resides a stack of lies they believed. I believed them too, for the better part of a decade. And I almost lost my life to those lies.

7. Because emotional abuse can come at you so unexpectedly. It’s not like a punch you can see coming. It’s like a patch of black ice.

8. Because emotionally abusive people are deeply manipulative. Like DEEP. As in…so manipulative that nearly every word they speak is some sort of rouse or lie or worse, a half-truth.

9. Because, usually, you love the person who emotionally abuses you.

And this is the toughest one.

But just because you love someone doesn’t make them safe.

Just because someone is nice most of the time and then detrimental when you least expect it, doesn’t make them a “nice person”. It makes them a really good liar.

You are valuable simply because you exist. And that is it. Simply because you are here and you have breath in your lungs and a soul in your body makes you infinitely precious.

Isn’t that beautiful?

How to Treat Abusers With Love And Honor Even When They Don’t Change

Deep breath.

I see you. I see the hurt and the scars and the longing for wholeness. I see those tears and all those nights you spent with something cold and metal against your skin hoping that any sort of release would help the hurting pain escape.

God sees you. He sees you deep deep inside. The things you never speak about. The lies you let define you. He sees it all.

And still he asks us to love.

And still he reminds us that we are only ever here because of Grace in the first place.

Still he bends low and wrestles his way into our brokenness. He is kind but he is also relentless. He is also thought-filled with thoughts of love for you.

Guess what?

The Gospels give us wisdom for dealing with abusers…abusers who never change. You know, the hardest kind.

Jesus met abuse and injustice head on. He did not apologize for setting boundaries or for calling out sin or for reminding an abuser of the consequences of their sin.

He wept over injustice.

He pleaded with abusers to change, to repent.

You know ONE THING Jesus never did??

He didn’t name abusers.

He called them “vipers” and “religious leaders”. But he did not call them by name.

But he did call Matthew and Nicodemus and Mary Magdalene. He named the people who changed…

There is a beautiful and sobering message in this: is your name known?

Will we allow the God of Creation to cast himself on us so fully that he calls us by name? Will we one day stand before a Holy Throne with the ink of our names written boldly before us? Or will we chose to turn our backs and go our own way and miss the face of the Messsiah standing right in front of us?

We aren’t so different from those biblical characters after all. We have that choice too: surrender or succumb.

This is how you treat abusers: the same way Jesus did.

You tell your story and you speak out in love and truth and boldness and you do not make yourself small so that evil can make itself seen.

You speak the truth, even if your voice shakes.

And when you are met with cold stares and hard hearts you weep just like Jesus did and then you turn and shake the dust of their words off your feet and leave them to their sin: because they chose it.

But always you love. And always you bask in the wonder of the Blood that bought you.

And then you turn your face to the sun…because Jesus made you free…and the darkness of all the hate and abuse and neglect and lies and fear and control-tactics and manipulation are behind you where they belong…