5 Things You Need to Know About Parenting if You Grew Up in an Abusive Home

Sit down and buckle up, because this is going to a good read.

First of all, right off the bat, can I just say that if you clicked on this blog post because you thought, “Oh my gosh. That’s totally me.” I am so sorry. I’m sorry for the wounds inflicted on you, and for every day you’ve had to spend fighting back the lies that were spoken over you by the very people who should have been fighting for you.

Continue reading 5 Things You Need to Know About Parenting if You Grew Up in an Abusive Home

Listen to me. We are NEVER going back (R-rated)…

Let go of the people who say they love you but hold everything against you. Because true love doesn’t keep a record of wrongs.

Let go of the people who tear down your dreams with wild words of incapable fears. Because real love always hopes. Continue reading Listen to me. We are NEVER going back (R-rated)…

What Happens When You Tell Your Story Out Loud

I remember the way my body shook the first time I typed up my story.

The words just poured out of my fingertips, like water tipped over that cannot stop from spilling. It was gonna happen anyway. And maybe the water had actually been waiting all that time. Waiting to be tipped.

Continue reading What Happens When You Tell Your Story Out Loud

How He Takes Our Brokenness

The last two weeks have weighed heavy on me.

A friend of mine was diagnosed with cancer. A friend of mine is struggling with depression. Another precious soul is deeply addicted to illegal drugs.

Life feels broken and dim.

And all the pain and brokenness feels like a wet, heavy sweater around my shoulders that I can’t shake off. Like its stuck to me.

I’ve had to remind myself that God is near. He is here. And fully present. He is not surprised by the grief or the brokenness. And he will not shift himself over to a dark corner to protect his own heart. He leans in, close, and loves with utter abandon.

Life is a journey. And so is healing.

I am learning that more and more. How healing isn’t one good cry and a single release of emotion that somehow equals forgetting all the pain…it is an ever-deepening relationship toward fullness.

And the benefit of emotional healing is joy.

So keep going. Don’t give up. Let yourself feel and grieve and bear the burdens of others – this is a hard and beautiful reflection of the way Jesus leans in so close to us when we are breaking apart.

All love involves risk.

And letting God heal you involves risking your pride and your clenched fists and your anger and the way you put back your shoulders and refuse to be vulnerable.

This is how he heals us: he unfolds the hurts, pours love and truth over all of it, and then slowly takes it from us as we release.

And in our open palms, he places joy…

What Healing Really Means

Do you know what it means to be healed? It means you are free. It means your shame is so far behind you you can barely see it when you look back. It means there is freedom of emotion when you walk beside the Lord step by step through a valley and come out into open, wide plains.

Psalm 34 says, Oh TASTE and SEE that the Lord is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him. The Lord is close to the broken-hearted; he rescues those who are crushed in spirit…He REDEEMS those who serve him.

Emotional healing is not a singular event. It’s a journey. And it is OK that it’s a journey and it is also OK for your journey to be unique and sacred in the ways that God devises for YOU. We love and serve a God who loves and serves us in individual and personal ways.

And it’s OK when you struggle. It doesn’t mean that you haven’t healed or that God is failing you or that depression is winding itself up to overtake you. It just means there is more to be healed. That’s it. There’s more. And that is OK too.

Oh friend…here’s to you! And here’s to all the bravery it undoubtedly will take to step toward wholeness. May you find all the joy as you walk your healing journey. And be encouraged, dear one – there is much ahead for YOU. There is joy as bright as ten thousand radiant suns…

9 Reasons Why Emotional Abuse Is Designed to Crush You

1. Because emotional abuse targets your soul and your personhood and your value.

2. Because emotional abuse hides in plain sight: there are no bruises.

3. Because the PURPOSE of emotional abuse is to inflict SHAME. And shame is often the underlying cause of depression, perfectionism, anxiety, fear, lack of self confidence, and even obsessive compulsive disorders and addiction.

4. Because emotional abuse causes you to doubt yourself and question yourself, you often downplay it, and it wrecks you from the inside out.

5. Because it’s all LIES. And the goal of a lie is to cover up the truth.

6. Because words can bring death. And standing there behind all those victims of suicide resides a stack of lies they believed. I believed them too, for the better part of a decade. And I almost lost my life to those lies.

7. Because emotional abuse can come at you so unexpectedly. It’s not like a punch you can see coming. It’s like a patch of black ice.

8. Because emotionally abusive people are deeply manipulative. Like DEEP. As in…so manipulative that nearly every word they speak is some sort of rouse or lie or worse, a half-truth.

9. Because, usually, you love the person who emotionally abuses you.

And this is the toughest one.

But just because you love someone doesn’t make them safe.

Just because someone is nice most of the time and then detrimental when you least expect it, doesn’t make them a “nice person”. It makes them a really good liar.

You are valuable simply because you exist. And that is it. Simply because you are here and you have breath in your lungs and a soul in your body makes you infinitely precious.

Isn’t that beautiful?

It’s OK to Live the Live You Want

It is OK to live the life you want. And it is OK to say “no” to everything else.

It is OK to live a calm life, a life free from trying to live up to someone else’s idea of how your life should look.

Are you striving to love God with all your heart and soul and mind and strength?

Are you striving to love your neighbor as yourself?

Then go and be free, dear one. Because loving God and loving Others actually matter the most in all the busyness of this loud and opinionated world.

Everything else is debatable…