Isn’t this what we just do?
We watch a screaming crowd, cameras capturing the hate and the screams and the white paper signs filled with angry words and we think, I will never be like that.
We watch parents demean their children, hit them, abandon them and we think, never.
We read stories and biographies and histories and we think, how could this ever happen on God’s green earth?
I’ve done this a hundred times: told myself I wouldn’t be a certain way.
I’ve sworn I’d never be like so-and-so who hurt me. That I would never stoop to such levels. But here’s the thing…
When you work so hard at NOT being like someone. You’re not actually becoming ANYONE.
So much energy is devoted to “not” that sooner or later you will find yourself empty, lost, and unfulfilled…because “not” and “never” weren’t designed to fulfill anything. Its like a toy train on one of those circular tracks you set up in your living room…the train moves and expends energy but never gets anywhere new.
The goal of the Christian Life isn’t “Don’t be like them”…the goal is to “Be Holy” like Christ. In doing this, not only do we honor the Maker who has fashioned us, we honor the very design he created: us: our own unique and individual selves.
God created us to be. In contrast, our inner vows, whether we make them consciously or not, tether that which God never intended to be tethered. When we make a vow we are binding ourselves, our identity, our purpose, to a stationary, immovable, impersonal ideal. The trouble with these ideals is that they aren’t actually anything concrete. We aren’t trying to become anything…we simply stick a picture up in our minds, and run around it in circles chanting “I’m never gonna be like you…I’m never gonna be like you.”
This is a futile practice.
So, next time you find yourself hardening that place inside you, or find yourself creating an inner vow to protect yourself from hurt and pain that terrifies you…remember…you’re looking at the wrong goal post. (This is a clever lie that keeps you bound up in the “not-becoming”.)
The goal, the ACTUAL goal post is the open and unwavering arms of a Savior. He is the steadfast constant in the midst of all the chaos of life and pain.
If you’re going to heal your soul, you’ll need an Eternal Healer.
If you’re going to strive for wholeness, you’ll need a Holy God to bring about all that wholeness you crave; like the way a sculptor molds with intention. It is super messy while the work is being done. But the end result is art that reflects the nature of the artist.
In short. If your fix your eyes on Wholeness, you’ll grow in wholeness. If you fix your eyes on Not, you’ll get nothing.
When you release the notion that anything other than molding will fix you, that’s when you will start to truly heal and change.
So…Lean into truth. Fast. Pray for direction and for wisdom.
I promise promise promise that God will hear and respond.
You are his. And he longs to make you Whole.
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