How to Find Your God-Given Identity in the Aftermath of Brokenness

One of the lasting effects of abuse is lack of identity. Abuse, neglect, abandonment, long-term exposure to manipulation and shame…they all leave you empty and deeply insecure.

This is NOT a blog post about feeling sorry for yourself. This is NOT a blog post full of excuses and finger-pointing. You might have BEEN a victim, but you don’t need to STAY a victim.

You are CAPABLE of change. You are CAPABLE of growing. You are CAPABLE of stepping into who God created you to be. You are CAPABLE of thriving.

1. You cannot heal if you do not let yourself grieve.

I’m her book, “No More Faking Fine” Esther Fleece called Christians to embrace the journey of lament. She argues that true healing cannot occur without true lament. Truth!

Covering up pain doesn’t make it go away: it makes it grow.

2. Your true identity comes from your Heavenly Father.

We get our identities from our father – if you had an absent father or neglectful father, this is even more difficult.

Father God is not like any father ever. He ALWAYS has time for you. He NEVER loves you any less or any more. He loves you PERFECTLY. He is ALWAYS available.

This blows my mind! He is a good, good Father. And he doesn’t change.

3. Don’t give evil a foothold on your identity.

I used to subject myself to so much abuse and so many lies because I thought I was “turning the other cheek” and “loving my enemies”. It turns out the Bible doesn’t condone anywhere in scripture subjecting yourself to abuse.

We are called to LOVINGLY and BOLDLY confront evil and sin. And when the person does not change, we are told to bring their sin before the church. And if they do not change even then we are told to treat them like an unbeliever.

When we do not obey this biblical direction, we bring much pain into our lives that was never intended to be present.

Guess what? It’s not honoring to your Heavenly Father to repeatedly place yourself in front of an unrepentant heart. And it doesn’t matter who that person is. Family does not get special treatment to treat you like dirt. Friends do not get the “privilege” either.

Abuse is evil. And a good Father does not wish evil upon his children.

A good Father wants your heart to reflect holiness, boldness, truth, and love that dares to stand against injustice.

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