5 Lessons I Wish I Hadn’t Learned About Abusive People

Life is full of lessons. Some lessons change you for the better. Some…some you wish you’d never learned.

These are the hardest moments in life. These are the moments that teach you to cling to our Heavenly Father in ways you never knew you could.

1. The people you love the most, will hurt you the deepest. The people you spend a lifetime trying to impress, to endear to you, will hurt you in ways that no one else could. They will laugh at you and manipulate you and lie about you and bring you to tears on your wedding day. They will refuse to celebrate you, and use all the things and people you love most against you: including your own children.

2. Just because a man says he is safe, and volunteers at church and has kids and a wife you adore, doesn’t mean he is actually safe. That man will teach you that fear is stronger than your physical ability to react. Stronger than even instinct. And that gut feeling you had for so long…it was real.

3. Loving an addict and seeing the best in them doesn’t mean they will change. You can’t make someone change. You can only be there to cheer them on.

4. Love of one’s self is often disguised with masks of generosity. I’ve found that some of the most outwardly generous people are deeply selfish. And nothing is harder to change than pride.

5. The most dangerous abusers hide in plain sight and go to extensive lengths to cover their behavior. And they are really, really good at lying. And even better at manipulation. But eventually they make themselves known by the trail of brokenness they leave behind in the dust.