When Abuse Results in Lasting Grief

So many times, growing up, I feared for my life and safety. When I was no longer welcome to live at home, I experienced guilt so crushing it pressed like a heavy weight on my chest, and I returned “home” as often as possible, intentionally inserting myself into dysfunction so that I might deflect as much abuse as possible to myself.

The guilt was so weighty it took almost a decade to lift. I felt guilty for being SAFE.

I still have nightmares. I still wake up crying. Fear still stretches its fingertips toward me like a snake that must twist in order to inch forward.

And it has taken me years to be able to cry.

One of my dearest friends tells me this is a beautiful gift. She tells me it is a testament to all that God has healed in me.

Isn’t there just something so powerful about R E L E A S E ?

Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest… 

Relentless abuse is so depleting and weighs on you. Really, what we need is all that rest before we can even step into the deep waters of healing.

Today, be kind to yourself.

Trust that His timing for you is perfect.

Be brave with your heart.

For you are treasured beyond jewels and finery. And our Heavenly Father…Oh! he cares so much more about the state of your soul than the condition of your physical surroundings.

Rest in Him. Let the guilt and shame go. And I promise that He cannot fail you.



Published by Alicia Dean

Truth seeker and story-teller.

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